Yesterday was my 40th birthday. I have not really ever made a big deal over ages or birthdays, but for some reason yesterday I was an emotional mess.
I cried over everything.
Woke up and watched When a Man Loves a Woman with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. That probably wasn’t the greatest way to start off the day on a bright note, but maybe it sets the stage for the tearfest.
My husband and Mea gave me cards. Tearfest.
Met my good friend for lunch, and when she showed up with flowers and a cupcake. Tearfest.
Came home to find flowers delivered from my Mack. Tearfest. Read the rest of this entry »
I am calling this in from my phone. Ignore typos and deliriousness. Also, no bullets points.
My husband and I planned with her mother to discuss the drinking problem with step-daughter number 2. We were supposed to do it all together, bit her mom couldn’t wait, and it blew up into a horrible texting thing vs. an in person serious thing. I have been so angry I haven’t been thinking straightly.
I may come back and revisit this again, but that is the very, very short version.
My Mom has a fracture in her hip. (Holly, Mom may not have mentioned this to L yet it is breaking (not funny) news.) She sees an ortho tomorrow. She is freaking out. There home would not be condusive to rehab. Way too many steps, she is panicking that she will have to go to a home for rehab. Please pray that this does not happen. I do not think any of us could deal with this at all.
I set my oldest step-daughter up with a guy that I work with and they really like each other. Like REALLY like each other. They ate on date number five this weekend. I am super thrilled. He is a nice guy and has his shit together.
Also speaking of my OSD, I went over to her house on Saturday afternoon while she filed a police report against her son’s father. While our grandson was with us Friday night, he called E1 33 times and sent her over 50 text messages. Calling her every name in the book and demanding to know where his son was. It was her weekend. WE asked for him, as it was boys sleepover night and we had baby L too. He has gotten wind of her dating this nice guy and wants to try to fuck it up. He is a douche bag. I just pray that he doesn’t scare this new guy away. He is a keeper.
Yesterday, I restricted and hid from view my husband’s ex-wife on FB. I don’t know what I was thinking adding her, because she irritates the hell out of me. Anytime I comment on something the girl’s have posted it seems like she has to try to “one-up” my comment. I know this is dumb, but I hate that loon boon so much that everything she does annoys the shit out of me.
I had a call from one of the companies that I had multiple interviews with while un-employed. They want me to come in for yet another interview. Although I am not super in love with my job, I just don’t think I can go back for a fifth interview with this company. It is ridiculous. If they wanted me they should have hired me in March when I first spoke with them.
This is it for now. My thumbs are getting tired and my battery is running low.
In no particular order…
- I am totally catching on at the new job.
- Mea has asked me every single day since I started if I have done “real” work or not.
- Today, I could say that I did.
- I go to official training next week.
- I am the only person scheduled for three weeks of training.
- There will be no sitting in the back of the class.
- I will be forced to participate.
- I should be done before three weeks since it is just me.
- That moment when you realize the person you have been referring to as “the older lady” (only to my family, thank goodness) is only three years your senior is a total “Oh shit” moment.
- I pray that I do not look that old.
- It dawned on me this morning that it is entirely possible that someone somewhere may have referred to me as the “older lady.”
- For the record, 39 is not old.
- Unless you look old, then it is.
- Praying I don’t look that old.
- I said that already.
- I figured out today that I can bring my netbook to work with me, and blog at the Panera during my lunch.
- WiFi is a bloggers friend.
- I need to tell you all the penny story.
- I have been flooded with memories of my working downtown days and the stupid shit that happened down there.
- As you know, I am a genius and ever so graceful.
- I am sure you can imagine where the majority of these stories could be going.
- Mea lost another tooth today.
- I have so many thoughts about Trayvon Martin, but cannot pull them into anything coherent just yet.
- I tried my hardest to avoid most social media in the last few days, because I couldn’t stand the ignorance.
- Pretty sure that I chanted several times on Sunday, “I will not be drawn into an argument with so and so…”
I think that is all for tonight friends. I will try my Panera idea tomorrow, and tell you all about pennies.
I feel like I have been missing in action from my online world. Without having a computer in my face for nine to ten hours a day, it has been easy to stray away from blogging, blog reading, and such. Things have calmed down some, so I am hoping to get a bit more focused in my blogging. (Stealing #hashtags from Jen.)
- I still am actively looking for a job.
- I have had a few promising interviews, and am in a bit of a waiting mode.
- Trying not to stress out about it.
- Each time my phone pings with a notification from my “professional” email account, my heart lurches a little bit.
- I am also trying to do some fun things with Mea while I can. We have been to the zoo, the amusement park, and are going swimming this week.
- My Mom had her last “big” chemo treatment last week.
- The symptoms hit her sooner this time, but they seemed to pass a bit quicker.
- Father’s Day dinner was a bit awkward, with C trying to act like everything was normal.
- I was cordial, but really that was it.
- At one point she was in the house, and the girls were all in the backyard, ages 4 to 10 playing on the swing set. I could hear the oldest granddaughter yelling, and went back to investigate. She was yelling at Mea, stating that Mea “stole” the swing from her sister.
- After asking all of them, this was not the case. Mea just got to the swing first.
- I told her there is 2 swings, and 4 of them and that I expected them to take turns.
- If they weren’t going to take turns they could go sit with everyone else and not play at all.
- She cut me a scathing look, and went and sat down with everyone else.
- This leads me to believe that her mother has been talking about all of the family issues in front of her or to her.
- I just don’t really know what to do about all of this.
- On Saturday, Mea had an outing with her Uncle, my BIL.
- He later posted something on Facebook about how great it was to be able to do things with his niece, and that he is so happy that we trust him with her.
- I am really proud of him in his recovery. He is doing an amazing job.
- Mea was requesting to watch Olde Willis the other day.
- It took me a full day to figure out what the hell she was talking about.
- I felt like a detective, asking a zillion questions about what the movie was about, who was in it, etc.
- I finally discovered that she was talking about Forrest Gump.
- There is no connection.
- Mosquito season is upon us with a vengeance.
- All the rain and flooding around here makes for perfect mosquito weather.
- I have been trying some less chemical filled options for bug repelling, and after bug bite itchiness.
- I hate spraying things filled with Deet on her, but up until recently haven’t really found anything else that keeps her from being bitten.
- I haven’t come to a conclusion yet, but there could be a post coming about what I have discovered after more research, and trial and error.
- My dear Mea has discovered lying.
- I had forgotten that age seven is the year of “liar, liar pants on fire.”
- “Did you spill the water in the kitchen?”
- “It wasn’t there five minutes ago, and now you have a glass of water.”
- “It wasn’t me.”
- Hopefully the lying thing doesn’t last long.
- All kids go through it.
- I finally broke Mea of saying “ain’t” after she picked up that gem from one of her sister’s and her children. (Not naming names, but she doesn’t have an E or M name.)
- It was a long couple of weeks.
- I honestly didn’t think I was going to make it through.
I think this is it for now.
In my last post I mentioned some issues with my middle step-daughter, C. Since I wrote it, there have been more issues, and I need to write it out.
So here we go…
First, let me give you the back story. I haven’t talked about this before, because I didn’t think it was relevant, but I have come to the conclusion that it is indeed relevant.
My husband was married to the evil one. They had our oldest step-daughter E1. When E1 was five months old, the separated for six months or so. During that six month time frame, C was conceived. Her mother is not the evil one.
The evil one, and my husband reconciled, she got pregnant with E2. By the time E2 was three years old they were divorced.
Needless to say, when people discover that my middle step-daughter has a different mom, it is a weird story.
C’s mom did not tell my husband about C, until she was three or four years old. She had/has some issues, but she is not a bitch. I really have no idea why she waited to tell him, but she did.
I think that C has some unresolved daddy issues. I have talked to E1 and E2 about this, and they both agree. So in addition to the jealousy issues we already know about, I think there is some other stuff brewing around in that head of hers.
I had gotten a text from C on Memorial Day basically telling me that her feelings are hurt that we hadn’t watched the girls in a while (she has oldest and youngest granddaughters, 3 and 10) and that she felt that we had E1 and E2’s kids more often than hers. It may be the case, I don’t really know. It’s not like we have a set schedule for having the grandkids. Sometimes the girls ask us to watch them, sometimes we ask for them. I don’t keep score.
C tends to wait until the last-minute to ask us to babysit. Usually an hour or less before she needs someone to sit. At the longest it is a day or two notice. If she has to work, or if she has school, we usually say yes even if we had other plans or whatnot. She has complained in the past because we “only watch the girls if she is working.” We can’t win.
Her kids are not very nice to Mea. They are better if we have one at a time, but if we have them together, they can actually gang up on her, and can be mean. In her own house. With her toys. It’s not really fair. I have talked to the kids about it several times, tried to talk to her but she doesn’t want to talk about it.
It turns out that last week, she had decided on Friday that she and her girls were not coming to Mea’s birthday party. So basically, the excuse that she gave me on Saturday morning, the one that I thought was pretty weak anyway, was a total lie.
She had said that she would stop by sometime this week and bring Mea a present, and to say Happy Birthday. (Please note: I do not care about a present. I don’t believe that Mea cares about a present. She wants to see her sisters and her nieces and nephews at things like this.) We did not hear from or see her until last night.
Around five o’clock, she posted something on Facebook about how she should have gotten a sitter for the night because her kids were driving her nuts. I knew that the text was coming, as soon as I saw the FB post.
Sure enough, maybe five minutes later my phone went off.
My husband was off work yesterday. Originally, he was going to take Mea to the pool, but we had thunderstorms on and off all day. In the morning, E1 called and asked if we could watch her youngest. He had thrown up at daycare the day before, and although he was fine, he couldn’t go back to daycare. So since we knew the pool was out, we thought it would be fun for Mea and help E1 not miss another day of work. It was his dad’s weekend to have him, so his dad picked him up last night around 6.
We had already planned to have the baby grandson overnight last night. I had asked E2 if we could have him on Monday. We haven’t had him overnight for three weeks.
The first text from C said that she was having a bad day, and at her breaking point with the kids.
I didn’t answer.
The second text said,”I’m willing to bargain at this point…I would keep Mea for you guys any night you wanted. Tomorrow, Sunday, Monday, I’m off all those days.”
Mea is not some thing to be bargained with. She is a person. She is her sister. She should sometimes just want to spend time with her. This is not how it works at all.
Honestly, that last text just sort of sent me over the edge. It probably shouldn’t have, but it did.
I had sent E2 a picture of the baby doing something silly, and she sent me a text replying that C was on the war path. She had called E2, to see if we had E1’s kids in addition to the baby.
There is no possible way that we can have all five grandkids here at one time. Five grandkids, plus Mea is six children under the age of ten. Our house is not big enough. We quite honestly do not have the space for them all to be here at one time for an overnight. We also cannot have grandkids here every single night of every single weekend. It’s not fair to Mea or to us for that matter.
She went on to vent to E2 about how shitty we are, how we aren’t fair to her and her girls, and so on.
I wanted to respond to her. I still want to. My husband doesn’t want anything to do with it. We also found out yesterday that C’s youngest daughter had a recital this week. We didn’t even know that she was in dance.
I know that I have attempted to be the best step-mom I can be to her. She only calls when she wants something or needs someone to watch her kids. We don’t have a relationship past that. These are the only times that she calls.
The other girls will call or text me just to talk. We have a relationship. It goes both ways.
I just don’t know what to do.
Several weeks ago, I stumbled upon a Living Social deal to Joseph Nogucci. It was for a leather, hand-woven wrap bracelet. I knew that Mack had been coveting several on Etsy, and decided that it would be a good fun gift to surprise her with.
She loves it. So pretty.
Then I was hooked. They have awesome deals, often offer giveaways on Facebook, and Instagram just for following them. I have cashed in on two of the free offers, and bought a bracelet for myself while I was at it too.
After following them on Instagram, I found out that they would allow bloggers and Instagrammers to host giveaways if you did a review for them! All in!
In the mail on Sunday, I received three new bracelets for review. They are awesome. I wore some in a stack yesterday, and wore one with my sterling bangle that I never take off to a job interview today. So versatile, and can be dressed up or down.
The bracelet on the left is the one that I purchased. Three to the right are the samples. One lucky reader can win one of the three to the right! All you have to do is follow Joseph Nogucci on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. Leave me a message that you did so, with your Instagram or Twitter handle.
Winner will be drawn at random next Monday, May 27, 2013. Comment to win!
I am serious.
What is about to be spewed from my fingers via my head is a big bunch of ranty, venty, horribleness.
I want to fire myself from my current position.
Today, really equals Kelly wanting to just run away from home.
My husband is in full baseball mode, which means he is not home. Ever.
Mea is tired of me.
I am tired of me.
I am just tired.
Mad props to the real stay at home moms, because I cannot do this. I am not cut out for it. I am bored senseless. I have cleaned, reorganized, laundered until I am bored with it.
I am starting to hate my house.
Just the sight of it, makes me want to run away.
Trying to be lighthearted about Mea not listening to me on Facebook, equaled two people calling me to see if I was okay. All that I said was that my “Mom look” must be broken. It is a good thing that I didn’t say what I really wanted to say on FB. One of the calls was to see if I wanted to come to a free parenting class. Are you fucking kidding me?
SCREAMING IN MY HEAD
I am tempted to run out the door when my husband comes home today, but I don’t know if that will “fix” anything, and I don’t really have anywhere to go, or money to spend when I would get there, or anything else. Not to mention that gas is eleventy billion dollars a gallon.
If I did leave, the way I am feeling at the moment, I might not come back.
Two interviews tomorrow.
Say a prayer for me.
I need a job, so I can leave this house, and have conversations beyond the latest episode of Good Luck Charlie, which One Direction boy is cutest (Mea says Niall is) what is going to be on Kelly and Michael tomorrow, etc.
I am about to lose my fucking marbles.