Yesterday was my 40th birthday. I have not really ever made a big deal over ages or birthdays, but for some reason yesterday I was an emotional mess.
I cried over everything.
Woke up and watched When a Man Loves a Woman with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. That probably wasn’t the greatest way to start off the day on a bright note, but maybe it sets the stage for the tearfest.
My husband and Mea gave me cards. Tearfest.
Met my good friend for lunch, and when she showed up with flowers and a cupcake. Tearfest.
Came home to find flowers delivered from my Mack. Tearfest. Read the rest of this entry »
I have been MIA, for this I am sorry. I don’t know that I have any really good reason for being missing, but I just haven’t come here. Or to any of your blogs either, which I am even more sorry.
It started out simply enough, in that I was trying to make sure to spend time off of my phone and my computer when I was home with my husband and Mea. I did a great job of staying off my computer, I had to dust it off, and update a million things before I could even sign on to start this post, I still feel like I am on my phone too much, but it is a work in process.
I really discovered that the majority of my blogging time was done when I was at work. Whether it was reading blogs, or writing my blog posts, I did much of it while I was at work. Which does not really make for a very productive employee. Regardless, I do miss this place, I do miss your places, and I miss my friends in my computer.
So I am going to try to find a happy balance between everything so that I can get caught up, and still stay in touch with all of you.
On to the bloggling…
- We drove to Ohio to visit Mack and her boyfriend. It was a great visit, and could have only been made better, if I could have spent a few more days with them. It was one hell of a car ride, thirteen hours in the car is too much to do in one day.
- My Mom is doing very well. Her doctors are very impressed with her health, and she continues to amaze everyone. Last round of labs, and CT scan came back great, and the tumor on her chest wall may actually be getting smaller. Her hip is healed, she is off the walker, and only uses a cane when she remembers to use it.
- Mea has been doing great in school with one exception. She has a new friend that is causing some issues in the class room. I had already had some concerns, as we have had a few phone problems, where this girl has called our house well after Mea has gone to bed, or even once at 11:50 at night on the weekend.
- On more than a few of these phone call interactions I have had with this girl, I have told her not to call our house after 7:30, and I tell her that she needs to get her homework done and get to bed on time too.
- I have also heard from Mea that she has been absent from school because her parents didn’t want to get up, or they overslept, or the parents didn’t feel good.
- After much discussion, my husband and I decided to switch her to the school that is our actual school for our neighborhood.
- There are a couple of reasons, first the school she is attending is considered an “at-risk” school. Which means that the school has not done well in standardized testing, and the students are not learning at the same rate as the other schools. I have not been concerned with Mea’s education. We work with he at home, she likes to learn, and has been at the top of her class for both reading and math.
- She was only going to this school because it was the only school that our old sitter could take/pick up from, so now that she is no longer watching Mea, it seems stupid to have her go to this school that I really don’t like anyway.
- She will be attending a grade school where all of the kids in the school will end up in the same middle school. I worried with her going to the old school that she would have fewer friends going into middle school, and although I know she can make friends, it is easier if you know more people when you get there.
- Does make me wonder if she will do even better in a new learning environment.
- We were lucky enough to find a new daycare provider, and we are all extremely excited about it. Mea is going to go to daycare with her baby nephew, at her sister’s best friend’s house. She is my youngest stepdaughter’s best friend, and she is wonderful. Mea can’t wait. Quite frankly, neither can I.
- I really don’t like my job. I am over-qualified for it, my manager is a bit of a spoiled brat, and can’t manage her way out of anything. I have been able to get her to set me up with some job shadows so I can have an idea as to where I want to transfer to when my year with them is up. July 8, cannot come soon enough.
I think that is it for now, I am going to really try to get back here. I have missed it, and I have missed all of you.
So much stuff taking up space in my brain.
In no particular order…
- Mack is all moved away to Ohio.
- When I think about it, it makes me so sad.
- I try not to think about it.
- But then I feel guilty for not thinking about her.
- So then I text or call for no reason, and it sort of makes me feel better, but also sad.
- I really, really hate her being so far away.
- When we had our family/friends BBQ, it was the first time I had met his Mom.
- She came up to me and hugged me and told me it would be “okay with her” if I came over the morning they left to say goodbye.
- Needless to say, it rubbed me the wrong way.
- Mea and I Skyped with Mack on Thursday night.
- It was pretty nice to be able to see her actual face, and to “see” her apartment.
- I feel like I have been a pretty shitty friend and blogger lately.
- I just can’t keep up with everything.
- I feel like I have so many plates spinning.
- If you feel neglected, I am sorry.
- I suck, I know I do right now if that is any consolation.
- My parents have been running around like maniacs since Thursday.
- Their car club is hosting a national convention.
- My Mom has been overdoing it.
- She says she hasn’t been, but I know her better than that.
- It is times like this that make me angry and sad.
- She should be able to run around like the maniac that she is, without feeling exhausted, and without worrying about how her body will fail her the following days for overdoing things.
- I am brewing some serious hostility and anger here.
- It ebbs and flows.
- Right now, I am just pissed at all the things.
- I wish I weren’t, but I just need to ride it out until my happy comes back.
- Things are going okay at my job.
- There are parts of it that I really enjoy.
- I had two customers last week who I was really able to help.
- Like make a significant difference in their lives, help.
- I haven’t helped someone in this way in years.
- However, last week my company laid of 2400 people, about 240 in our city.
- Being the “new guy” kind of sucks when things like this happen.
- Hoping that this kind of layoff stays far away from my department.
- My husband has a job offer on the table right now, that is insanely good.
- He has to pass a physical this coming Friday in order to get the job.
- I am more than a little concerned about this, but I am hoping for the best.
- If he were to get this job, I wouldn’t have to worry about possible layoffs from my company.
- Hoping for the best.
I think this is it for now. Really hoping that my happy comes back in full force very soon. I hate being grumpy, mad and sad. So not my normal.
Just going to get right into it. Here we go.
- I accepted a job offer on Wednesday morning.
- There is a lot of room for advancement, however it may be a pretty significant cut in pay.
- If the monthly bonuses pan out the way the managers said they would, but not for four months, it could be about the same as what I was making.
- They also mentioned that people move up quickly in this department.
- During my second interview, the Senior Manager asked me many questions about my management style.
- I had a first and second interview this week for a job doing basically the same thing that I was doing before.
- This one should pay the same, if not more, than what I was making at the old place.
- The hiring manager is making a decision today.
- I am on pins and needles, and I don’t really know what I would do if I were offered this second job.
- Hard to decide if the cut in pay would be worth it in the long run, or if I should just go on and do what I have always been doing.
- The other thing with the potential job, is that I would be co-workers again with someone who I not only do not like, but cannot stand.
- She is a liar.
- When she was my boss for six months, ten years ago, and she was/is a total nut job.
- The saving grace is that she would not be my boss. I know how to deal with her. I know not to trust her with any information, or believe a single thing she says.
- She is that bad.
- I found out about the job because my Uncle is one of her clients.
- I applied and interviewed without mentioning her name at all.
- She is the type that if I had, she would say that she got me the job, and hold it over my head.
- I would rather do this on my own merit.
- I feel like this is going to be a hard decision.
- I am not a patient person.
- It has taken over a month for the first company to interview me twice and make me an actual offer.
- Second company said they would call today, and I want them to call right this minute.
- I have been staring at my phone since I woke up at 5:30.
- I cannot will it to ring.
- This pisses me off.
- Either way, I am happy to get back to work, and to get out of this house.
- Now, I can do a few things with some of our savings that I have been hoarding.
- Like buy a new sofa. (Ours is shot.)
- Because of new sofa, we also need to buy a new kitchen table that is more user-friendly.
- No more eating in the living room.
- As a “Yay, you finally got a job” present to myself, I bought myself a new Coach tote (for my planner, water and lunch) and a Coach ID badge holder.
- I have thought about changing to an iPhone just so that I can have a Coach phone case.
- I won’t because I like my phone, but it is a bit tempting.
- I am a dork.
- I really didn’t spend too much.
- Coach Factory is just way too tempting.
- My obsession with shoes has turned into a handbag obsession.
- Mea has a sleepover tonight, and we are going out for a nice dinner to celebrate my employment.
- It has been a long fourteen weeks.
- I am so glad that it is over.
That’s it kids. I’ll let you know when I hear about potential job number two.
I spent much of the week going from store to store attempting to find the perfect Mother’s Day card. I could not find one that said what I needed it to say, so I thought I would write you a letter in addition to the card I did end up buying.
I would not be the woman I am today without having you here to guide me. You have taught me when to be strong, when to let go, when to stand up for myself, to be independent and to think for myself, and how to be an amazing mother to my own daughters.
We have been through so much, and I am sure that I have tested you in ways you never could have imagined that I would have done. For some of these tests I put you through I am truly sorry, but some of those tests brought us closer together, and created amazingly beautiful things,
You are the matriarch of the family. You are the glue that holds us together. You still settle arguments between sisters, make us kiss and make up, when we might otherwise stew and pout at each other for long lengths of time.
You are the keeper of records, and the one who journals all of our lives events. You are the memory keeper.
You are an amazing Nana, and there are four very lucky girls who are proud to call you their Nana.
You are the woman I aspire to be.
You are the wife, friend and mother that I compare myself to.
You have the strength of ten thousand people, and have the courage of a million others.
I am proud to call you my Mom, and my best friend.
The doctors and nurses called it when they said you are Super Woman, because you really are, in more ways than they could ever know.
I would say that I love you more than you could ever know, but I believe that you do know how much I love you, because you love me exactly the same way.
I hope that you have a wonderful Mother’s Day, and just want you to know just how much I love you.
To the Moon and Back,
I am a card person.
I keep them all. I have shoe boxes full of them.
I can almost always find a card that can say for me what I have been trying to say, or something with a hidden meaning that may only truly be understood by myself and the person that I send it to. Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, sometimes I am drawn to the art on the card, but I can nearly almost always find just the one that I am looking for.
Some of you have even been on the receiving end of my card craziness.
I like to mail cards. Who doesn’t like to get a piece of mail that isn’t junk or a bill in their mailbox? Just a little something that can put a smile on your face, when you hadn’t really felt like smiling. Anymore with emailing, texting, and so many other ways to communicate, it feels like the art of writing a letter is going by the wayside.
For the last three days, I have been trying to find a card for my Mom for Mother’s Day. I have been to four different stores, and have yet to find anything that really says what I want it to say.
There isn’t really a section in the Mother’s Day card section that is specifically for your Mother with terminal cancer. (Someone at Hallmark should get on that.)
I bought one yesterday, but it still doesn’t feel like the card that I want to give her. I have come to the conclusion that I am going to give her the card that I bought, but I am also going to write a letter to go along with it. For her to open later in the day, vs. while we are at my sister’s house for brunch.
I have been pouring over my old posts and there are bits and pieces from many posts that I would like to actually share with my Mom. I am going to take these bits, and turn them into a letter.
My parent’s 41st Anniversary is on Monday. They are going to go out-of-town for a few days after her chemo treatment on Wednesday. My sister and I bought our parents a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant they visit in this town that they are staying in.
At this point, it seems like buying her things that she can use to have fun is a better option than a sweater, or a plant, or jewelry or any other thing.
Adding another memory for my parents, that is something really special.
Today, Mea had her Spring Fling at gymnastics. It is a special fun showcase for the kids to be able to show their parents, family and friends what a great job they have been doing throughout the year.
Each gymnast received special ribbons for participating, a medal, and a chocolate medal for their participation.
The last few weeks of class has been dedicated to getting their “routines” down, before the event. Mea has been practicing even more than usual, specifically doing her actual routine all over the house.
My parents, Mack and her boyfriend, my brother-in-law and his fiancée along with my husband and I, were all there to cheer her on, and watch her skills.
It was really fun. They had a small group of dancers kick off the event, the kids took turns, just like at a real gymnastics meet, at each different event. Bars, balance beam, vault, and floor.
It was a little hard to see each part, but to see her smiling face after she had finished each portion was well worth it. Having eight family members there to cheer for her, helped a lot too! We were a bit loud!
To close things out, they had the actual team do several different floor routines, which was really cool to see. These are some really talented kids working out of this gym.
Overall, I have been pleased with our move to the new gym. The only complaint that I have really is the parents, and I didn’t care for the parents at the old gym either. However, here they are about a million times worse. I think much of it has to do with the prestige of the gym, knowing that it has produced two gold Olympic medal winners, and there is some serious talent there. People travel from all over to have their kids come here. Even for recreational classes.
Two weeks ago, I witnessed a mom who was so ridiculous, it took every thing within me not to stand up and snap on her. Her son was four. He was in a pre-school class. For whatever reason that day, he wasn’t feeling it. He refused to change into his shorts, he ran away from her several times, and when she finally corralled him next to me on the bench, after trying and failing to get him to join his class she started berating him in front of me.
Now, I don’t know if she was trying to show off, or what her deal was, but all that she did was make me feel extremely sorry for this poor little four-year-old boy.
As she was berating him about not wanting to do gymnastics that day, she says, “Wait until we get home and I tell your dad. No more gymnastics, no more tennis, no more karate, no more swimming lessons, no more baseball. You are done mister!”
At one point, she looked over at me and smiled. I just shook my head. I think that she thought that I was agreeing with her, but I seriously just felt relieved for the little guy. That is way too much stuff for a four-year-old to be in. Not to mention the fact that he clearly attended daycare, and most likely pre-school.
They were back the following week.
Today, after the awards were passed out, and the kids had their photos taken, we were heading out to the parking lot. My Mom stopped in the bathroom before meeting us in the parking lot.
She sent me a text on the way home. She hadn’t wanted to say anything while we were there with Mea, doing things for her special day.
Apparently, their was a mother in the bathroom stall next to her, who was yelling at her daughter for not taking the day seriously, and yelling at her about how she could have done better.
At a recreational, fun event.
The little girl was crying.
The mom actually said to her daughter, “I can’t believe you made me waste my afternoon, for this.”
Some people should not have the privilege of raising children. When some fight so long and hard to get them, and other’s can say such horrible things to their kids, when they should be supporting them in their dreams, it just makes me sick.
This little girl is going to end up needing therapy. As well as the little boy.
I just don’t know what people are thinking when they do or say such cruel things to their children.
I know that my goal with both of my girls has always been to support them in the things they love to do, or want to do. I will not let them get over-extended. They at most, depending on age, will do two activities. If they start something, I do expect them to give it a fair shot, and finish it. Like starting softball, equals finishing the softball season. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to do it again next year, but they at least need to support their team and finish until the end.
Mack was my girl of various activities. She took lessons at the playhouse, she played softball and volleyball, she played piano, she played guitar, she took art lessons. Not all at the same time. At various times through-out her childhood. It made her well-rounded. She learned from every experience, and we supported her in whatever thing she wanted to try, within the rules, and budget.
I know that not all people are going to do things the way that I would do them. I am not stupid. I just wish that people wouldn’t talk to their kids in this way, or over-extend them to the point that they hate and resent all of their free time. They are kids. They need to play. They need to use their imaginations. They need guidance. They need structure, without constant criticism, and they need to spend quality time with their parents.